11 Experiments That Failed
Text copyright © 2011 by Jenny Offill
Illustrations copyright © 2011 by Nancy Carpenter
All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Schwartz & Wade Books, an imprint of Random House Children’s Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
Schwartz & Wade Books and the colophon are trademarks of Random House, Inc.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Offill, Jenny.
11 experiments that failed / by Jenny Offill; pictures by Nancy Carpenter.–1st ed.
p. cm.
Summary: A young child tries a series of wacky experiments, such as seeing if a piece of bologna will fly like a Frisbee and determining whether seedlings will grow if watered with expensive perfume, and then must suffer the consequences of experiments gone awry.
eISBN: 978-0-375-98384-9
[1. Experiments–Fiction. 2. Humorous stories.] I. Carpenter, Nancy, ill. II. Title. III. Title: Eleven experiments that failed.
PZ7.O3277Aaf 2011
[E]–dc22
2009045096
The illustrations were rendered in pen-and-ink and digital media.
Random House Children’s Books supports the First Amendment and celebrates the right to read.
v3.1
Title Page
Copyright
Experiments with Food
Experiments with Animals
Experiments with Motion
Experiments with Perfume
Experiments with Household Objects
Question:
Can a kid make it through the winter eating only snow and ketchup?
Hypothesis:
Ketchup and snow are the only food groups a kid needs.
What You Need:
• Ketchup
• Snow
What to Do:
1. Make snowball.
2. Dip in ketchup.
3. Eat.
4. Repeat three times a day until spring.
What Happened:
• Stomachache.
• Brain freeze.
• Love of ketchup wavering.
Question:
What makes fungus grow?
Hypothesis:
If left in a closet, food will rot and become a colorful fungus garden.
What You Need:
• Brother’s shoes
• Bread and cheese
• Water
What to Do:
1. Place food inside shoes.
2. Sprinkle with water.
3. Hide shoes in back of closet.
4. Return in two weeks.
What Happened:
Experiment still under way.
Question:
Would gerbils like bigger wheels?
Hypothesis:
Gerbils would like bigger wheels.
What You Need:
• Gerbil
• Ferris wheel
What to Do:
1. Take gerbil to amusement park.
2. Strap gerbil into seat with you.
3. Hold gerbil’s paw.
4. Go around and around and around.
What Happened:
Gerbil not allowed on ride. (Too short.)
Question:
Do dogs like to be covered in glitter?
Hypothesis:
Dogs like everything.
What You Need:
• Dog
• Tube of glitter
What to Do:
1. Call dog.
2. Cover with glitter.
3. Let dog go.
What Happened:
• Dog ate glitter.
• Pink sparkly yard.
Question:
Can a live beaver be ordered through the mail?
Hypothesis:
A live beaver can be ordered through the mail.
What You Need:
• Five-dollar bill
• Envelope
• Stamp
What to Do:
1. Fill out mail-order beaver form.
2. Attach five-dollar bill.
3. Place form in stamped envelope.
4. Mail.
What Happened:
• Allowance withheld until further notice.
• House declared No Beaver zone.
Question:
What is the best way to speed
up a boring car ride?
Hypothesis:
Yodeling makes time go faster.
What You Need:
• One adult
• Three children
• Traffic jam
What to Do:
1. Yell “Yodelayheehoo.”
2. Yell “Yodelayheehoo” even louder.
3. Repeat as needed.
What Happened:
• Walked to school.
• Felt lonesome like a cowboy.
Question:
Will a piece of bologna fly like a Frisbee?
Hypothesis:
A piece of bologna will fly like a Frisbee.
What You Need:
• Bologna
What to Do:
1. Take bologna off your sandwich.
2. Aim at friend.
3. Shout “Catch!”
4. Hurl bologna through air.
What Happened:
• Teacher caught bologna with his head.
• No recess.
Question:
Will seedlings grow if given Eau La La instead of water?
Hypothesis:
Seedlings will like Eau La La better than water.
What You Need:
• Pots
• Dirt
• Seedlings
• Water
• Fancy perfume
What to Do:
1. Place dirt in pots.
2. Plant seedlings in dirt.
3. Water one pot with water.
4. Water other pot with perfume.
5. Watch.
What Happened:
• Mom cried.
• Seedlings died.
Question:
Is there a way to make stinky cheese smell better?
Hypothesis:
Perfume will make stinky cheese smell better.
What You Need:
• Fancy perfume
• Stinky cheese
What to Do:
1. Remove cheese from plate.
2. Spray with perfume.
3. Return cheese to plate.
4. Serve.
What Happened:
• Unhappy guests.
• Leftovers.
Question:
Can a washing machine wash dishes?
Hypothesis:
A washing machine can wash anything.
What You Need:
• Washing machine
• Dirty dishes
What to Do:
1. Take clothes out of washing machine.
2. Put in dirty dishes.
3. Add detergent.
4. Turn on washing machine.
What Happened:
• Broken dishes.
• Broken washing machine.
• Ran away to live in bathroom.
Question:
Can a message be sent in a bottle to a faraway land?
Hypothesis:
The hole in the bottom of the toilet leads to the sea.
What You Need:
• Message
• Bottle
• Toilet
What to Do:
1. Write secret message.
&n
bsp; 2. Roll up paper.
3. Place inside bottle.
4. Flush.
What Happened:
• Toilet overflowed.
• Plumber called.
• Still awaiting rescue.
Jenny Offill, 11 Experiments That Failed
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